The Other Woman, Part 2

She read my blog and asked me, ‘what if the other woman is from an internet chat site or worse yet she’s featured on an internet pornography site, is that still infidelity?’

I suggest yes, it is still considered a form of infidelity to the marriage or to a committed relationship.

God doesn’t specifically address the internet or pornography but He does instruct us about 2 sinful activities:

1. Adultery
2. Lustful behavior

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)  I’ll spare the reader the parts about gouging your eye out but you get the point here, right?

If you are in a marriage or in a committed relationship and you know that the internet is being used by your partner for this type of lustful behavior, then you need to have a very serious discussion with him. If he is unwilling to change his internet activity then you have the choice to end the marriage or relationship. To assist you in these decisions, please seek spiritual and professional counsel as you move forward.

There’s always tension in truth.

This will not be an easy road for either partner. Ignorance is blissful? Now that you've admitted to his wrong behavior, please do not allow this type of activity to go unnoticed. The external peace within the house is not worth the internal heartache you feel – and just like I said in Part I of this post, the cuts to your heart will become thick and hardened. 

Difficulties show a person’s character.

This journey of healing a broken relationship will take a lot of commitment from both of you. He will need help in recovering. This activity might have been part of his lifestyle prior to meeting you. He can have victory over this addiction. Research tells us that men addicted to pornography look at women as a commodity. With proper help, he can learn to love you in healthier ways.

You will need to give him time to accomplish this. It won’t happen overnight. But if you are committed to seeing this through, then your relationship can survive and it can be better.  You will need to learn how to forgive him for his actions and forgive yourself for not acknowledging the signs before you married him. You will need time to learn how to trust him again. Betrayal can feel ugly.  

How does a person learn forgiveness and trust again? 

For me, I always need God’s help. I’ve never once been able to forgive or trust someone that has betrayed me, in my own strength. I just don’t have it in me. It’s an unnatural skill. It seems to go against my human nature. If someone hurts me, especially betrayal type hurt, I want to naturally hold a grudge against that person. I want justice.

I’m wounded, feel inadequate, fragile….I just want the other person to suffer like me.

But then I remember that I no longer get my emotional bank filled up by other humans. I did that once upon a time and the results were a divorce that brought out the worst in me; a time in my life where I will always feel the need to make up to my adult kids.

You can try to do this on your own. Or you can contact the Great Healer and ask Him to help you through this process of healing and renewal. I guarantee you that if you put your trust in God’s healing powers, He will fix this in a way that you and your partner will be better than you were before. Trust in Him! Depending on God instead of ourselves is a hard thing but not a complicated thing. It's the only way we can truly forgive, heal and become better people.

Let’s pray. Lord, thank you for Your grace, especially when we cannot manufacture it ourselves. Thank you that if we trust in You, that You  promise not to leave us where You found us; that our old ways are dead, gone and forgiven as far as the east is from the west; that Your Son, Jesus, died for our sins. Thank you that we can roll our burdens onto You to carry them for us. I pray this in Jesus’ strong Name. Amen.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy