When Life Grounds Us

I was grounded for 2 days this week with vertigo. I couldn’t drive. My first day home was a total wash out. It was like being acutely drugged, I never fully woke up for 24 hours.

The second day home, I felt well enough to complain…first to God, then to my husband.  I asked the doctor to give me drugs that would allow me to have my life back again. She laughed and prescribed Meclizine to clear up the dizziness.

As the fog cleared, I began to question God’s timing and purpose for such debilitating symptoms.

I wondered if He’d consider postponing this trial until February when the snow is flying and it’s too cold to be outside gardening and hosting cookouts.

In need of answers, I grabbed my Bible and turned to what everyone else turns to: James 1.

Verse 2 must be the most outrageous statement in the entire New Testament! ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.’

I could think of other adjectives besides ‘pure joy’, but okay I recall doing a Bible study on Joy and remembered that Joy is a Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) and that the meaning of Joy is not synonymous with happiness. God’s word for Joy means a supernatural delight in the person of God….in the purpose of God… and only happens in the people of God.  Joy does not come naturally. God means that we are to be Joyful at having a chance to shine the light of Christ during our trials.

Gosh I wish I hadn’t remembered that. Because what I really wanted to say was: But God, I didn’t see this coming. I’m unprepared. I don’t feel like shining Your light right now. I want this trial to be over and I need You to prevent it from getting worse. And can You do all of this before the evening ends?

God understands. He will provide the strength and humility to help us bear up under it. Jesus said that it is ‘By their fruit you will recognize them...’ (Matthew 7:16)   Every Christian’s virtue is defined by this.  If we can remain under it (the pressure), God will be able to give us every good thing He has planned for us.  By cutting the process short, we cut the benefit God is trying to affect and grow in us. 

What about your trials?  When a child rebels... When a spouse betrays... When a sickness threatens…When the money doesn’t pay the bills…How do you handle it?

Like most people, I hate tests. I was the type of student that studied just to get a good grade. That’s how I feel about this vertigo. Just give me the drugs to deal with it, I don’t have time to sleep away my days; just get me through it and back to my ole’ self. 

But as I dug deeper into God’s Word, something jumped out at me. God was asking me to consider His purpose in allowing this in my life.  ‘…testing of your faith develops perseverance.’ (v.3)  ‘…so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ (v. 4)

Consider our trials. Weigh in on them. Measure them. Calculate them.  If I’m angry as I consider His timing in this, then I can’t come to the conclusion of what God’s purpose is for allowing it. If we’re filling up on food…filling up our time with activities…work, or whatever we tend to use to bail from underneath our trials, then we lose out on the benefit of God’s plan. We remain immature, not complete and lacking in much.

My friend, I have no idea what kind of trials you’ve seen. If your faith in God hasn’t changed or challenged you, it hasn’t saved you. Let that sink in.

Just like Joseph’s coat of many colors, we all face many kinds of trials that test our faith in God. The fruit of a genuine believer in Christ is revealed by how we endure His tests. Do you always display Christ’s love during difficult periods of life?

Here’s a good Faith Test:
1. Do you believe that God is in control?
2. Do you believe that God is good and has good intentions for you?
3. Will you wait on God by faith until the darkness becomes light?

Once I could drive again, I returned to work. It’s the supreme test to be patient and love people when your world is out of balance, right? Yet, with God’s leading, we can do it.   

In 1 Peter 4, God shows us how to live for Him while we are suffering.

1. We have to arm ourselves with the right mentality… we have to guard our behavior.
2. We cannot rely on past solutions to solve our current suffering.
3. We need to remind ourselves that this present suffering will have an ending!
4.  Christians are given gifts – this is a good time to use our God-given gift so God is lifted higher.   

Storms are not an option…but fear is.  In the weeks to come, I will see a specialist to learn more about my vertigo. But, more than medical test results, I want to pass the Faith Test and I want to increase God to others along the way. So I am trusting God and claiming His promises that I will see goodness during this trial.  ‘Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.’   (Psalm 27:13)

God saw this coming. I once heard someone say that everything that touches us must first go through the Father’s hands.  He’s trying to produce steadfastness in us. He’s trying to transform us into a mature Christian.

Let’s pray. Lord, when our faith is small and we are about to give up, show us how to trust You with everything; nothing is off limits; we want to be that person of staying power; teach us steadfastness; do this work in our life; give us wisdom; be glorified like never before; by Your grace we will remain under it; hold us to this place until Your work is done. In Christ’s name I pray. Amen.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Red Thread

Red thread is a lawn fungus. It tries to kill healthy grass. If a homeowner doesn’t know what to look for, you can be deceived into thinking that your lawn is healthy.

My husband is our resident grass expert. Allow me to brag for a moment –we use to pay a lawn service but he does such a great job that even our neighbors quiz him about their lawns.

The rainy Spring, that made gardens and lawns green and lush looking, was responsible for hiding something at our house. I was surprised when my husband told me that he was about to cut all the green grass away. He said, ‘it looks healthy but actually I need to mow the top away to get rid of the Red Thread lurking below.’

Well, cut it, he did!  Later that day, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My earlier award winning lawn now took on the appearance of a brown and green splotchy very unhealthy looking lawn.

Surprised by its’ true condition and unsightliness, my vanity surfaced with thoughts like, ‘what will the neighbors think?’ I couldn’t see the fungus before he mowed– let’s just keep it hidden!

Reminded me of what happens to us when God cuts away places of bitterness and hardness rooted in our hearts; sometimes planted years before and tightly held because it’s just too painful to deal with.  So we hide it beneath the exterior of our smiles and busy lives and we keep ourselves captive to this secret life within because, like our Red Thread, nobody else can see it. But God knows.  

I read that 80% of our character is like an iceberg, hidden beneath the surface. People get to know 20% of who we really are. And most of us like it that way!

Is everything hidden beneath the surface bad? No, but it’s the place where we store disappointments that we don’t want to deal with and we visit there when life beats us down. It’s a place called captivity. 

As my husband and I stood in the driveway discussing the lawn, something more was revealed. We agreed that our lawn’s now ugly appearance reflected how we’re feeling about our current life.  With my husband’s business on life support and him standing at a much familiar crossroad, it’s not a fun place for either of us right now.

Discouragement can make us feel unattractive. When you don’t know what the next day will bring, it’s easy to lose hope and think the situation will never get better.  Discouragement is a tool of Satan. Wallowing in discouragement is just where the devil wants us. Who hasn’t been guilty of wasting precious time and energy on the things that have disappointed us? Yet, we know better.

God sees us struggling with circumstances regarding children, jobs, divorce, single parenting, financial debt or unhealthy relationships. If you are anything like me, you wonder if God is listening.  When my mind wanders there, I remind God of His promises to me. ‘ Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.’   Psalm 27:13

(Sandra)Kay Yow, North Carolina State’s famous women’s basketball coach, succumbed to breast cancer (March 14, 1942 – January 24, 2009). Yow was a winner in more than one way. She refused to dwell on her health issues, though they colored everything she did almost as much as basketball. Ultimately, her philosophies on both were the same.

“When life kicks you, let it kick you forward.”

 Yow planned her own funeral before she died and recorded a 25-minute video to be played at the service. More than 1,400 people attended the funeral at a suburban Raleigh church, as Yow thanked her supporters on the video. "And now I say farewell," she bade the mourners, "and it's been a wonderful journey, especially since the time I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.” (Wikipedia)

Whatever life is throwing at you today, remember that God does have a plan for you.

‘A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.’  (John 10:10)

Just like others have reminded me, I am here to remind you. God will give us what we need, when we need it, His timing is perfect. If we trust in His sovereignty, we become better people instead of bitter people. The only difference between being better or bitter is the I.

Like our lawn, that will eventually look and be healthy again, the hidden disappointments that distract and burden us can be cut away and replaced by healthier thoughts, comfort and peace.

Let’s pray. Dear Father, You are the great Gardner; pruning, planting and watering us with Your love.  Help us to see beyond our immediate circumstances and trust that You are listening and have a plan; You’ve called us to something better than the hurts and disappointments we hide; heal us Father in a way that we can be free from our captivity. In Christ’s strong name I pray. Amen.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Father's Day

Tomorrow is Sunday and it’s also Father’s Day.  Hallmark dictates that all fathers are great and loving.  Hallmark is sometimes correct but hand-made cards can be a great alternative.

Perhaps your father is no longer living. My father died in 1997.  I will celebrate him in memory.  Tomorrow would also have been his 89^th birthday.  I have great memories of how much we loved one another and I know that one day I’ll see him again.  If your father is no longer living, I pray that you can also celebrate the day from your bank of good memories.

But what if you are a single mom and Monday morning can’t arrive quickly enough? Your children have a good relationship with their dad, but you don’t.   

How will you welcome in the day? Will your children spend it with their father, leaving you alone to wonder about their time away from you? Will you allow Satan to fire his lethal darts of insecurity? Ask God now to give you wisdom for how you should spend your time. You can spend the day with your head under the pillow allowing untrue thoughts to take up residence or you can get up and say, ‘This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.’ (Psalm 118:24)  

 ‘The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart.’ (1 Kings 10:24)  Seek God now and ask Him to give you wisdom so you will have a productive day while the kids are elsewhere.  Solomon could have asked God for anything, but he asked for wisdom.  Being a wise and loving God, He blessed Solomon with both wisdom and riches.

Today, I think differently about my children’s father. I’ve searched God for answers to the questions that will ultimately make me a stronger and healthier mother for my adult children. My past marital relationship with their dad is over but my parental relationship with him will never be over. God is always helping me to think clearly.   

Are you a single mom with children whose father is not involved?  I’m told that time leading up to and the day itself can become enormously difficult for a child that is disconnected from their dad.

One such mom, after watching her child become emotionally crushed by his absence, developed some coping mechanisms. Now, ahead of time, she informs the dad what to expect in a card or gift and he agrees to call and thank his child. She tells me that the day is not so much about celebrating Father’s Day as it is about the dad acknowledging that he’s a father (to this child). Bottom-line, the child can feel good about their intentions and receive acknowledgment from the man that Hallmark tells us is the best dad on earth.

And, what about those Father’s Day cards? Hallmark dictates that all fathers are great and loving. For the child that craves to have a fabulous dad, but momentarily does not, hand-made cards are a safe choice. With computer programs, even adult kids can craft just the right one.

What do I know today?
1. God’s grace is bigger than any human mistake.
2. I am blessed with loving adult sons that God allowed their father and I to have.
3. I'm glad that my sons love their father.
4. I was once happily married to their father.
5. God has humbled me.

I’ve spent a lot of time seeking God about my past. Through His healing powers I have peace and security knowing that my sons can call upon God, and He will answer them regarding any challenges they've had or will have with their parents. And, so can yours. 

Let’s pray. Abba, Father, thank you that as we think about our earthly fathers, we honor You as the Father who never changes, never leaves us and the One we can always depend upon no matter what else is happening in our life.  Thank you for sending your son Jesus to die for our sins. As a Father, that sent His son to the cross for us, Your love is unfathomable. We have all fallen short and we know that Your grace is sufficient for anything we are dealing with today.  Let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayers of Your servants. We delight in revering Your name. Give each person here success by granting them wisdom to deal lovingly with any circumstances surrounding earthly fathers. In Jesus’ strong name I pray. Amen

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Take Me Someplace Fun

A toddler walked into our office with a tee shirt that read ‘Take Me Someplace Fun.’  As my co-worker and I laughed, we nodded in approval…yes, we chimed, take us someplace fun, too!

I’ve been labeled as having a sanguine personality. My dad use to chuckle at me when he’d catch me, down on the floor, fooling around with my young sons.  Just this morning, I caught our Student Pastor’s wife fooling around with her two small children. Watching her brought back such great memories of similar times with my boys. What a special treat it is, when we allow ourselves the time to enjoy God’s gifts.

I had a grandmother that was always looking for a fun time. During the summer, she and I would travel a couple of hours to stay at my Aunt’s beach house.  Playing with my cousins all summer at the ocean’s edge was a lot of fun. Good memories.

My dad loved picnics and would travel at length to spread out a blanket of food at some scenic stop. When I was a mom of young children, we planned daily picnics one summer at area community playgrounds. Even today, if we find ourselves traveling past one of those playgrounds, we remember how much fun it was!

Get the picture? I think God wants us to enjoy the life He gave us. I’ve never heard God say, ‘You shall not have fun while living here on earth.’

I suggest that we have lost the art of having fun with our children and families. We’ve become such a litigious society and it seems like we all fear something. Life today seems to be more of a drag for most people I talk to. Is this what God intended for us? He created us. He loves us.

Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven's lights. Unlike them, he never changes or casts shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

When I create something, it’s done out of love. Like when my sons ask me to create comfort foods from their past; or make a more recent popular request – pumpkin whoopee pies. All they have to do is ask me. Why? Because I love my sons and it gives me great pleasure to cook for them.

Take a minute and think of the blazing sunsets you’ve seen or the twinkling stars at night, the birds singing in the bright morning sun, children laughing, the smell of a fresh mowed lawn or the clean smell after a summer rain…all gifts from our loving Heavenly Father. He created all of this for us to enjoy.  He loves us.

As summer kicks into gear and if God has blessed you with children, have fun with them. It doesn't have to cost money to enjoy time with one another. Unplug and have fun. Visit your local library and enjoy reading a book with your children. Take a walk and explore your surroundings. Or, take time to renew your mind and enjoy some quiet time alone with God; show them how they can do this too.  Or, perhaps you’d like to climb a mountain or take a bicycle ride.

Whatever you do, remember to thank God for the gift of life.  Thank Him for planting you in a country with freedoms that allow us to enjoy His great gifts.   

Let every detail in your lives - words, actions, whatever - be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. (Colossians 3:17)

And remember to pack a picnic. That would make my dad really happy.

Let’s pray. Lord, I know that we all have hurts going on in our lives. And I know that there is a time for everything; a season for every activity under heaven; a time to weep and a time to laugh. Please allow families a time to laugh. Bless those reading this post with good family memories this day, this summer. Show them how to keep the fun alive for themselves and with their children. Bless each of them this day. In Your Son’s strong name I pray. Amen  

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

The Other Woman, Part 2

She read my blog and asked me, ‘what if the other woman is from an internet chat site or worse yet she’s featured on an internet pornography site, is that still infidelity?’

I suggest yes, it is still considered a form of infidelity to the marriage or to a committed relationship.

God doesn’t specifically address the internet or pornography but He does instruct us about 2 sinful activities:

1. Adultery
2. Lustful behavior

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)  I’ll spare the reader the parts about gouging your eye out but you get the point here, right?

If you are in a marriage or in a committed relationship and you know that the internet is being used by your partner for this type of lustful behavior, then you need to have a very serious discussion with him. If he is unwilling to change his internet activity then you have the choice to end the marriage or relationship. To assist you in these decisions, please seek spiritual and professional counsel as you move forward.

There’s always tension in truth.

This will not be an easy road for either partner. Ignorance is blissful? Now that you've admitted to his wrong behavior, please do not allow this type of activity to go unnoticed. The external peace within the house is not worth the internal heartache you feel – and just like I said in Part I of this post, the cuts to your heart will become thick and hardened. 

Difficulties show a person’s character.

This journey of healing a broken relationship will take a lot of commitment from both of you. He will need help in recovering. This activity might have been part of his lifestyle prior to meeting you. He can have victory over this addiction. Research tells us that men addicted to pornography look at women as a commodity. With proper help, he can learn to love you in healthier ways.

You will need to give him time to accomplish this. It won’t happen overnight. But if you are committed to seeing this through, then your relationship can survive and it can be better.  You will need to learn how to forgive him for his actions and forgive yourself for not acknowledging the signs before you married him. You will need time to learn how to trust him again. Betrayal can feel ugly.  

How does a person learn forgiveness and trust again? 

For me, I always need God’s help. I’ve never once been able to forgive or trust someone that has betrayed me, in my own strength. I just don’t have it in me. It’s an unnatural skill. It seems to go against my human nature. If someone hurts me, especially betrayal type hurt, I want to naturally hold a grudge against that person. I want justice.

I’m wounded, feel inadequate, fragile….I just want the other person to suffer like me.

But then I remember that I no longer get my emotional bank filled up by other humans. I did that once upon a time and the results were a divorce that brought out the worst in me; a time in my life where I will always feel the need to make up to my adult kids.

You can try to do this on your own. Or you can contact the Great Healer and ask Him to help you through this process of healing and renewal. I guarantee you that if you put your trust in God’s healing powers, He will fix this in a way that you and your partner will be better than you were before. Trust in Him! Depending on God instead of ourselves is a hard thing but not a complicated thing. It's the only way we can truly forgive, heal and become better people.

Let’s pray. Lord, thank you for Your grace, especially when we cannot manufacture it ourselves. Thank you that if we trust in You, that You  promise not to leave us where You found us; that our old ways are dead, gone and forgiven as far as the east is from the west; that Your Son, Jesus, died for our sins. Thank you that we can roll our burdens onto You to carry them for us. I pray this in Jesus’ strong Name. Amen.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy