Beauty Through The Pain

I braced myself as I placed the DVD into the player. I said a quick prayer, ‘Lord, give me the strength not to cry.’ Everyone in the office huddled around my computer as we watched a homemade DVD featuring a little baby named Henry. We watched frame by picture frame as he fought for his life after being born very premature. His family will dedicate him at our church on Palm Sunday. I was previewing the DVD that will be shown during the dedication.

As others enjoyed watching pictures, showing little Henry growing from living in his incubator to a smiley one year old, I was lost in time. As I saw pictures of how tiny he was, I remembered how scared I was when I saw how tiny my boys were. Seeing his bandaged-over eyes reminded me that too much oxygen inside the incubator can cause blindness; something to fear years ago. Tubes everywhere and constant needles fade to the moment parents wait for -they unplug your baby and you finally get to hold this precious gift from God. In one picture, Henry’s mom looked so happy. But, behind those eyes I knew what she was thinking. I’d thought it long ago—is he going to make it? I have to be strong.

My mind drifted back 23 years. How did we get through such pain? I was the mom of two healthy boys, ages 7 and 3; and twin boys born 3 months premature.

It’s been awhile since I’d thought about our 99 day hospital stay.  But this DVD brought it all back like it was yesterday. Do smells ever catch you off guard? Do fragrances or baked items bring you back to another time? That’s what happened to me as I watched. The emotions, the hospital smells, the caring nurses, the long nights of praying, the fear of losing them, being an absent mom to my other 2 boys, the generosity of my parents helping us, the tears, the laughter,  it all came back so quickly. I had a lump in the back of my throat that I couldn’t seem to clear. Unless you’ve been through it, how could you understand?  It’s been 23 years and it felt like yesterday.

Everyone finished watching the DVD and we talked about how adorable little Henry was and how God knew just the perfect family for him. God knew. God knew before it even happened.

I recall so vividly one night, my mom and I were out to dinner and stopped into the ICU to check on our twins. Besides my boys, there were also six other sets of preemie twins. On this particular evening, we arrived just as an infant had lost its’ fight to live - making everyone very uneasy.  I remember thinking how quickly our hope can elude us when faced with the brokenness of reality. God knew that this little one would not make it.  God knew before it even happened.

God knew the fate of my boys and now the fate of little Henry. In fact, 23 years later, my twins have a personal relationship with Jesus and look to Him for all their needs. I am indeed very blessed being their mom.  God carried me through the struggles of those early days. He knew that there would be beauty through the pain. I just had to keep moving in the right direction and keep trusting Him.

God can do amazing things through us.  I cannot imagine life without my sons. I pray that the mother who lost her infant twin 23 years ago has found Jesus and can know the healing power and the beauty of His love through a personal relationship with His Son.

Our church family has prayed for Henry. We’ve watched as his family trusted in God and relied on His strength to get them through this past year. As I look at Henry, this precious gift from God, I am filled with hope for his future. That one day he will trust in Jesus. That he will know his Creator. The One that watched over him every second of every day he struggled to live. And like me, his mom also knows the beauty that comes from pain.

‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.’ (Psalm 139:13)

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Are you preparing (now) to meet your future spouse?

Here’s the opening paragraph that describes Andy Stanley’s 4 part video series about dating and marriage:

When I meet the right person, everything will be all right. This way of thinking creates trouble in our dating lives and sets us up for trouble in marriage. In this message, Andy challenges us to ask ourselves Am I the person the person I'm looking for is looking for? And he previews God's list of behaviors that will lead to success in dating and marriage.

When I read that, I knew I had to go further. I knew that I was about to learn something that was never taught to me during my younger, dating years.

Immediately, I sent the link to my single adult children.   If God has marriage in their future plans, then I want them to have the tools of proper thinking so they’ll have a better chance of being the type of person that the person they’re looking for will want.

After I listened to part 1 of Andy’s message I sat and stared at my computer.  Where was this type of information when I was twenty- something and then again at thirty- something? This type of thinking and self preparation was not happening ‘back in the day.’

This excites me! Imagine the lives that Andy’s message can change. Imagine the relationships that can be successfully matched together when his suggestions are put into practice.  And it’s all in God’s Word.

There’s not a magic formula. The Bible tells us who we should become in what some of us refer to as the Love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13.  Let’s look at verses 4-7: ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

Here is your first question: God, how do I become the right person?  How do I become this person described in verses 4-7?  First recognize that God created us to be in relationships.  If He created us and wants us to be relational, then He will give us the tools. And He does!

Start practicing the description of a loving person from verses 4-7 with everyone you meet. Isn’t that how we get better at something?

Love is Patient.  Love never puts pressure on the other person. Run from anyone that does that to you.
Love is Kind. People need to learn how to be kind and considerate with each other.
Love does not envy. You don’t have to ‘one-up’ each person you meet.
Get the picture? Go through each of these definitions of love and consider where you stand on each point.

I can honestly say that if there was more of this type of ‘love’ in my first marriage, my adult children would not be from a divorced family. None of this comes naturally. It takes effort from both people in the relationship.

You cannot magically find the right person. Tune into Andy’s message. Hear about what God wants for you. I’m so excited for you because this is life changing information. This is going to transform your thinking. Let God help you become a better person…a person that is characterized by love…a person of greatness and designed by God for someone very special.

Here is the site:

http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating   

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

I Don’t Have It All Together

I use to think that being a Christian meant you’d have no problems or at the very least any problems would be resolved very quickly.  AND on top of that, I thought Christians were more perfectly put together.  I mean, don’t the people that you attend church with have life figured out? 

If you read Scripture, literally, you’ll see what I mean.

‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’   (Luke 18:27)
‘I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’  (Philippians 4:13)
‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’   (Hebrews 13:5b)

Get my point? Can you see how I’d think that my life would be easier by accepting Jesus as my personal Savior?  The scripture tells us that we have a God that gives us strength, does the impossible and will never leave us.

What happened to my idealistic thinking? How can someone enter into this relationship with child like faith and spend 18 years in the trenches and still have struggles and moments of hopelessness?

Challenges have come and gone and the results haven’t all turned out like I’d hoped.  Was God sleeping on the job? Didn’t He know that I’d be disappointed in the results?

I don’t know anyone that ‘has it all together’ so I know God doesn’t expect that from me.  Is He punishing me for my past mistakes? As a recovering Catholic, it’s easy for me to go down that road, but no, God isn’t punishing me or you. God sent His son Jesus to the cross to bear our sins. Jesus took our punishment for us. (John 3:16) ‘For God so loved the world…’

Well, if God doesn’t expect us to ‘have it all together’ then what does He expect from us? One of my all time favorite verses explains it. ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ (Philippians 3:14) Our ultimate aspirations are not found on this earth but in heaven because Christ is there.

I still don’t have this thing called ‘walking by faith’ perfected and I’m so thankful that God doesn’t change His mind about me when I fail Him. I still stumble and fall. I use to put all my loved ones, especially the men in my life, up on a pedestal thinking they could do no wrong. But age and many disappointments later, by them and by me, have taught me that I will have disappointments.

In fact God tells us to expect trouble in this life. Don’t be alarmed when our kids make bad choices, when we hold less than desirable jobs, when our spouses are unfaithful or leave us, we find ourselves wondering ‘when do I get a break?’ God says you are right on target if these things are happening in your life. And here is the best news…we can be delivered from the hopelessness of our circumstances by remembering God’s promises.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

While I confess that I do not have it all together, I also confess that in this fallen world, I am learning to give up thinking that my life will be trouble free. Yes, challenges have come and gone and they haven’t all turned out like I’d hoped they would. But I am learning; instead of saying, why not God? I am learning to say, ‘show me how to use this situation for good – how will this benefit me so I can help forward Your Kingdom?’

You’ve heard the expression: Life happens.  Well, life is going to happen whether you and I are part of it or not. I’ve decided to stop misplacing my hope in a pain-free life.  

In fact, this life is not about us. We need to get over ourselves. You’ve surely heard the phrase: We Have Met the Enemy and He is Us (author Walt Kelly from his political comic strip called Pogo). 

So in the midst of adverse circumstances, put your hope in God, not people, things, money or job titles. Even if our circumstances never change; even if we have moments of pity parties; join me in trusting in God to fill us with the peace and strength necessary to make it through. We will be better people for it and those around us will marvel at how we cope with disappointments even when we don’t have it all together!

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

 

Puzzles

I love putting puzzles together. During winter months we try to have a puzzle set up in the house. Right now I have an unfinished puzzle of NYC waiting for me.

As I sorted through the pieces of this puzzle I considered how much a puzzle has in common with putting relationships together; specifically dating and marriage relationships.

After being stored in a box, some pieces became incorrectly hinged together and needed pulling apart. Sometimes mates are incorrectly hinged together and through divorce everything gets pulled apart.  As a single parent, you have choices to make.  You can choose to date or not date.  You can choose to be hinged together with someone incorrectly suited for you and think that time will change them.  I don’t know about your car, but my car has been parked in our garage every evening for the last 10 years and it’s still a car. It has not changed into a garage or even a newer version of the same car. Wishing it would change doesn’t work.

Some pieces might have distinguishing marks that make them easier to bundle together. When you place them next to each other they fit perfectly. They curve when they should and indent just at the point the other piece needs them to indent.  Relationships also have distinguishing marks.  Some relationships are easy and some feel like I'm working with sandpaper.  Because I’m a Christian woman, that depends on God’s strength and wisdom to help run my life, I’m more likely to spend time with people that share similar distinguishing Christian marks.  I need a Christian mate, so when earthquakes shake the ground beneath us, I won't be standing alone in my dependence upon God for help.

The first thing I do, in making a puzzle, is to form the border.  If the border is made up of flat sided pieces, then I ignore all the other pieces while I gather those. The border gives definition to the puzzle. Getting this done gives me a sense of accomplishment. Have you determined what the border of your relationship should look like? For me, it would be someone that puts God first. Someone that loves God more than he would ever love me. To me, that man's border would be solid. He would be someone that I could depend on.

On the NYC puzzle that I’m finishing, I completed all 4 sides of the puzzle and had 1 leftover piece!  Seriously, I came very close to throwing that 1 piece in the trash.  How could this be? I re-checked; took whole sections of border pieces apart; still could not find where the incorrectly hinged piece lurked.  Where was the impostor?  It took 3 other people to find the marks of the impostor. The marks that I concluded where distinguishable enough to bundle together, someone else found error.

Are you in a relationship with someone that is making you question his distinguishing marks? Are there leftover pieces of his character that don’t seem to fit and you’re seriously thinking of ignoring them?  Like my puzzle, all the pieces of your relationship have to fit together in order for you to have completeness and wholeness. I suggest that you pay attention to pieces that don’t fit. Sometimes we rationalize or invent reasons for why they don’t fit.

Here is something I recently found and shared with my Single Mom’s Bible study. Good points to consider for those thinking about dating, are in a committed relationship or thinking about marriage.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Should you D A T E him?

D ependable:  He is a Protector; Has a Purpose: Has a growing, vibrant spiritual life; He is patient with you and respects your values – You know exactly what I mean!

A ccountable to others; Has friends; accepts responsibilities (beware of “not my fault” syndrome); financially secure – saves money, lives on a budget, doesn’t need immediate gratification of “things,” resulting in high credit debt.    How important is materialism?

T ruthful:   He is a man of integrity in business; moral in his choices; scriptural in his decisions; no sexual manipulation; and again, watch out for the “not my fault” syndrome.  Are his values consistent with Scripture and with yours?  If you catch him in a lie, don’t give room for second chances.  He has revealed his true self. Shut the door, hard.

E motionally healthy:   Has a good relationship with his family.  (You will never be treated any better than he treats his mother.)  Does he love children and does he respect women?  If there is an issue there, run!   What about prior relationships – is it all the “her fault” conversation; does he run the ex-wife or girlfriend down verbally?  Ask about his childhood friends, experiences.  Is there anything he has not dealt with?  Can he initiate and receive emotional intimacy or does he use sex as an intimacy tool?  Is he able to communicate clearly to you and to understand your emotional needs, or to begin by trying to understand those needs?   Is he loving and compassionate toward other people? (author unknown)

MOST IMPORTANT:

Slow down.  Enjoy your kids.

Make genuine relationships and join interesting groups of people.

Never date anyone you would not marry!

Family - “…He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners…” (Isaiah 61:1b)

Most days I am amazed at how God ever got me and my family this far. Let me explain. Have you ever said these words?  ‘How could it have ever gone this far; I never intended for it to go that far; I never thought that sin would take me this far.’

I’ve allowed the enemy to get many toe-holds in my life. Especially during seasons when I allowed fear to run my life or during emotionally stressful times or those times when my prideful side emerged and I thought I knew better than anyone else.

In my family origin, the enemy has used: alcohol abuse, betrayals, children born out of wedlock,  depression, divorce, drug abuse, financial crisis, gay lifestyle, infidelity, physical abuse, seasons of estrangement, separation, spiritual crisis, and I’m sure there’s more, but you get the point.

We have a choice. Allow the enemy to attack or not. Get depressed and reside in the past or not. I use to allow these things to consume me; depress me. No longer do I allow this to happen because my heart has been healed. Instead, I feel like I am part of a miracle family! Today, we've survived the enemy!

Eventually every family has some type of calamity.  If you allow God to heal your heart regarding these situations, you too can shake off the chains of guilt, depression, judgment, or whatever it is you feel.

No matter where you are in life, God is not finished with you. He has come to bring healing. He has come to love and bring you through to the side of healing and a new beginning.

"Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." (Isaiah 38:17)

I leave you with this final thought: What tools has Satan tried to use to mess up you and your family? Perhaps you are glancing back at my list and thinking, ‘wow, her family is really messed up’ or maybe you are dealing with your own list. Whatever your situation, you can free yourself of the burdens that come with it. God loves you no matter what you do. He’s just waiting for you to accept His help. He knows that once you step into His Throne Room, you can have complete healing and be set free from the chains of being a prisoner in your own mind. 

Remember, the ground at the foot of the cross is level.  I’m so thankful that I finally buried my past of shame and pride. Now all I breathe in is the clean fresh air of God’s forgiveness, grace and love.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

 

Wandering

As I watch the snow pile up outside my window, I am reminded about how people can get off track.  When you think about it, we are humans making many mistakes and capable of wandering far.

I’ve been on roads in snowstorms and sandstorms that were so blinding that I literally had to stop my car because I could no longer see my way on the road.

A few years ago, my family was enjoying a summer gathering at my brother’s house.  We adults were enjoying time together when all of a sudden my niece looks over at her husband and asks where their youngest daughter is. I guess they each thought the other was looking after her but now realized that she was not visibly in the yard.

We found their daughter (she was perhaps 4 years old at the time) wandering down the neighborhood street totally oblivious that each step was taking her further and further away from the safety of her family.  She had no idea that she had wandered off from her safety net and would soon become surrounded by unfamiliar landmarks and possible danger.

I am reading through the Bible in one year and I’m now in the Book of Numbers. In Numbers we learn that we’re saved to serve our God.  But the children of Israel, as they wandered, didn’t have a GPS system or even a trail where others had gone.

Which isn’t a whole lot different than our life as a Christian today... Aren’t we also passing through a trackless desert—through a moral wilderness? We have no trail either. But we do have one little sentence from the lips of the Lord, “Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life,…” (John 14:6a).  God is our way, our GPS system. Step by step God will guide us just as He did the children of Israel.

But you say: 'He isn’t physically here with us like He was in the desert with the Israelites; guiding them each step into the Promised Land.'

Yes, He is!

We have the Bible – God’s Word that gives us a road map for how to live our lives.
We have the Holy Spirit – the One that Comforts and Guides us in making our way.
We have the High Priest – Christ Jesus, living right within us, for those who accept Him.
We have the church – where we can worship, fellowship with other Christians and learn from and support each other.

Without using these heavenly attendants and guides, we are just like my little niece who wandered down a neighborhood street. Little by little, we get off track; we become oblivious to the dangers waiting for us around the corner. We no longer have our moral compass with us, so sin begins to creep into our lives and like the story of the frog in the water, that doesn’t realize he is about to be boiled, we’re lost, don’t know how to get out of a bad situation and can’t remember our way home.

May I suggest that if this describes you today; if you are feeling lost and unsure of what’s ahead of you; please ask for help. I know the feeling of being lost.  Many times, I’ve wandered in my own strength.  You don’t have to move from your seat. You can ask for help right there in front of your computer screen. Say, ‘Lord, I need Your help right now. I need You to take over my life and guide me out of this wilderness that I’ve found myself in. I need You to be my GPS.’

God is much stronger; more capable and has already set a path for you to follow. He's walked the trail, knows the pitfalls and wants you to take His hand. When I was a little girl, I remember how secure I felt when my hand was clenched onto my daddy's bigger hand.  It's the same feeling when you take God's hand. Don’t let fear keep you from enjoying all that God wants to give you, starting right now!

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy