Puzzles

I love putting puzzles together. During winter months we try to have a puzzle set up in the house. Right now I have an unfinished puzzle of NYC waiting for me.

As I sorted through the pieces of this puzzle I considered how much a puzzle has in common with putting relationships together; specifically dating and marriage relationships.

After being stored in a box, some pieces became incorrectly hinged together and needed pulling apart. Sometimes mates are incorrectly hinged together and through divorce everything gets pulled apart.  As a single parent, you have choices to make.  You can choose to date or not date.  You can choose to be hinged together with someone incorrectly suited for you and think that time will change them.  I don’t know about your car, but my car has been parked in our garage every evening for the last 10 years and it’s still a car. It has not changed into a garage or even a newer version of the same car. Wishing it would change doesn’t work.

Some pieces might have distinguishing marks that make them easier to bundle together. When you place them next to each other they fit perfectly. They curve when they should and indent just at the point the other piece needs them to indent.  Relationships also have distinguishing marks.  Some relationships are easy and some feel like I'm working with sandpaper.  Because I’m a Christian woman, that depends on God’s strength and wisdom to help run my life, I’m more likely to spend time with people that share similar distinguishing Christian marks.  I need a Christian mate, so when earthquakes shake the ground beneath us, I won't be standing alone in my dependence upon God for help.

The first thing I do, in making a puzzle, is to form the border.  If the border is made up of flat sided pieces, then I ignore all the other pieces while I gather those. The border gives definition to the puzzle. Getting this done gives me a sense of accomplishment. Have you determined what the border of your relationship should look like? For me, it would be someone that puts God first. Someone that loves God more than he would ever love me. To me, that man's border would be solid. He would be someone that I could depend on.

On the NYC puzzle that I’m finishing, I completed all 4 sides of the puzzle and had 1 leftover piece!  Seriously, I came very close to throwing that 1 piece in the trash.  How could this be? I re-checked; took whole sections of border pieces apart; still could not find where the incorrectly hinged piece lurked.  Where was the impostor?  It took 3 other people to find the marks of the impostor. The marks that I concluded where distinguishable enough to bundle together, someone else found error.

Are you in a relationship with someone that is making you question his distinguishing marks? Are there leftover pieces of his character that don’t seem to fit and you’re seriously thinking of ignoring them?  Like my puzzle, all the pieces of your relationship have to fit together in order for you to have completeness and wholeness. I suggest that you pay attention to pieces that don’t fit. Sometimes we rationalize or invent reasons for why they don’t fit.

Here is something I recently found and shared with my Single Mom’s Bible study. Good points to consider for those thinking about dating, are in a committed relationship or thinking about marriage.

Until next time~

Blessings, Nancy

Should you D A T E him?

D ependable:  He is a Protector; Has a Purpose: Has a growing, vibrant spiritual life; He is patient with you and respects your values – You know exactly what I mean!

A ccountable to others; Has friends; accepts responsibilities (beware of “not my fault” syndrome); financially secure – saves money, lives on a budget, doesn’t need immediate gratification of “things,” resulting in high credit debt.    How important is materialism?

T ruthful:   He is a man of integrity in business; moral in his choices; scriptural in his decisions; no sexual manipulation; and again, watch out for the “not my fault” syndrome.  Are his values consistent with Scripture and with yours?  If you catch him in a lie, don’t give room for second chances.  He has revealed his true self. Shut the door, hard.

E motionally healthy:   Has a good relationship with his family.  (You will never be treated any better than he treats his mother.)  Does he love children and does he respect women?  If there is an issue there, run!   What about prior relationships – is it all the “her fault” conversation; does he run the ex-wife or girlfriend down verbally?  Ask about his childhood friends, experiences.  Is there anything he has not dealt with?  Can he initiate and receive emotional intimacy or does he use sex as an intimacy tool?  Is he able to communicate clearly to you and to understand your emotional needs, or to begin by trying to understand those needs?   Is he loving and compassionate toward other people? (author unknown)

MOST IMPORTANT:

Slow down.  Enjoy your kids.

Make genuine relationships and join interesting groups of people.

Never date anyone you would not marry!