In 1981, when I was 26 years old, my first son was born. Like it was just yesterday, I will never forget the feelings of instant love and sense of protection that rushed over me when our eyes first met in the hospital. He lay in my arms so still, so content. He was easy to love. His maternal grandmother, wanting to help her only daughter with a newborn, traveled to be with us. She and I couldn’t get enough of this new baby. He and I grew up together. I learned how not to be self-serving but instead to be more giving of myself. I used every opportunity to teach him about the world he now lived in. I enjoyed being his mother more than I enjoyed anything else. My good life changed for better.
After some health challenges, and in 1985 at the age of 30, my second son was born. I remember thinking, ‘will I feel the same sense of love and protection towards this new baby that I experienced during the birth of my now almost 5 year old.’ Amazingly, when my second son arrived it was as if there were no other people in the room. We locked eyes and just stared at one another. He wiggled in my arms as if to say, ‘let’s get this life started’ …like he intuitively knew my private thoughts and insecurities of how to love more than one child. If he could’ve spoken, I sensed he would’ve said something like – ‘everything is going to be fine; I’m easy to love.’ As my first son entered Kindergarten, I learned how to be the mother of 2 active boys.
My oldest son was serious about life; while my second son laughed at life. The ‘do I have enough love’ worries, vanished. God had given me enough of everything I needed. I continued to enjoy motherhood. The fullness of my new family life energized me and I quickly understood the importance of being a mother.
Then later, and after a miscarriage, I became pregnant with twin boys. They were born 3 months premature in late 1988; just shy of my 34th birthday. They remained in the NICU for 99 days. My mom and dad would care for our older boys while I spent my time at the hospital and my husband worked and tried to keep the family operating.
The first time I met my new babies was behind a glass incubator. Each in their own life unit, I wondered if they missed each other. With tubes and ventilators connected everywhere, it would be weeks before we’d know their fate let alone a chance to hold them.
The twins each weighed 2 lbs. and remained incubated. Their brothers and I recorded ‘Good Morning to You’ on a tape for the nurses to play inside their glass living room isolates.
I considered myself a seasoned mother by this time but the enormity of the situation was daunting. No longer did I need an ‘eye to eye moment’ in order to love these new additions to our family. They were so helpless and the instincts of ‘mother bear characteristics’ was plentiful. My love and desire to protect them came effortlessly.
When twin A came home, his older brothers greeted him with chicken pox. Fifteen days later, twin B joined us at home. The bonding that occurred so instantaneously with my older sons, seamlessly happened with each twin as I spent time with them in NICU. The fears of losing them were replaced by the security of knowing they would be okay. They were our little heroes.
My 8 and 3 year old sons gave up ‘mommy time’ as I spent the bulk of my days and nights at the hospital. They showed everyone how brave they could be as they selflessly waited for their family to be intact and normal again. They were my big heroes.
Fast forward and now I have been a mother for 31 years. I treasure every moment God gives me with these young men. They’ve taught me how to be less about myself and more about others; how to love more, forgive quickly and to be content. “So give your parents joy! May she who gave you birth be happy.” (Proverbs 23:25 NLT) Each in their own special way, brings a smile to my face.
Even when I didn’t know it, God heard my prayers. I didn’t know that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus until age 39 and then didn’t really put the power of the Holy Spirit to good use until just a short few years ago. My sons have not always had a mother that put God first in her life.
God blessed me, despite my faults. He blessed me with the awesome responsibility of motherhood. Today I pray that my heart for God impacts each of my adult sons.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day 2012. I write this to encourage mothers everywhere. Your children have a large capacity to love and forgive under many situations. You don’t have to be perfect. Just never give up your responsibility of being their mother. Pray for your children.
Life can include a lot of bumps and unexpected turns. Sometimes my sons and I don’t agree. That’s okay. Sometimes I’ve failed them. God forgives our imperfections. I will always love them. I will always treasure time spent with them. I will always thank God for lending them to me.
Let’s pray. Heavenly Father, bless each mother reading this post. Bless them with Your love, wisdom and strength so they can in turn pass these things onto their children. Guide each mother as she leads and directs her children into adulthood. May You be her source of Truth and Light when she doesn’t know which way to turn. May she hunger for Your love and may each of her children learn the same. In Jesus’ strong name I pray, Amen.
Until next time~
Blessings, Nancy
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